drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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