We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
