Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
