Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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