Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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