you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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