She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
