In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
