is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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