Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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