Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
