i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
