Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
