im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
