I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He has the fingertips of a God
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