First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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