i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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