Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
