So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
