So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Randomize
