Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize