Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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