Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I feel like a drive thru vagina
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
