On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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