Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Randomize
