remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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