there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
