I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
