i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize