so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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