Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
