How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
