new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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