My Higher Power is John Stamos
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
