So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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