3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
