Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
