I think my vagina is haunted
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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