you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
