shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
