Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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