You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
