On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
