I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
