why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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