Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
