awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just want nice things and good sex
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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