Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize