Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
