see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
