So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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