when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
