At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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