On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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