we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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