What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
