I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
