No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
