making cat noises will not fix the situation.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
