i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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