we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
