dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
When are your genitals available?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
